Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Coming Back to Earth

I worked with a video crew over the weekend, and spent most of yesterday cleaning up all the details and sending off what we shot. It was a bit like falling into a time warp to find myself standing next to the camera, asking interview questions and pushing firmly but gently to keep moving so we would get all our shots. We did fall an hour behind at one point, but I was able to catch up and end the day without any overtime.

The crew came back to my house with me around six-thirty, and we relaxed for a few minutes before they hit the highway towards their home. They lived near Washington DC, so this part of New England was all new to them. I could tell that they liked it, and they were pretty amazed to see the horses in my backyard. I wanted to leap from my car and run over to hug Silk when I pulled into the driveway. I restrained myself, and chatted politely with my co-workers. It was such a relief to concretely know that I hadn’t slipped back all those years to that life where I defined myself as a TV and film producer. Those were days of no family, no animals, no green trees and flowering gardens. I am so much happier and centered and loved here in this little refuge. All day, I’d been feeling so disconnected from myself, like this world didn’t exist or I had only imagined it.

I sat on the patio and talked to the cameraman and the soundman, watching my daughter swing on the wooden swing that my husband hung from one of our trees. My horses were grazing in the pasture behind her. My dog was sleeping next to my feet. I was pleased that my husband took good care of everyone in my absence. It made me want to jump up and shout at these guys, “Do you see how lucky I am?”

Now, I’m back to dealing with my itchy Silk, whose skin is rubbed raw on her face from the fly mask. I’m worrying that Siete might be having another bout with Lyme Disease. She was cranky, and her back feet were very tender. Over the week-end, I was convinced that she was getting a hoof abscess. Yesterday, my neighbor, who is a wise and experienced horsewoman, came over to take a look. She insisted that my little horse looked perfectly fine and asked me if I was maybe transferring some of my own anxiety onto the horse.

I knew she was right. When I’m worried about things in my life that I can’t control, I often find problems to obsess about with my horses. Now that I’m done with the documentary, Siete is moving around normally and I am able to give her more attention again. On the phone yesterday, another neighbor told me that she felt sorry for me because I had so many animals to take care of every day. She asked, “Why don’t you get rid of some of them? They’re expensive and they demand so much of your time.” She just doesn’t get it. The animals are never a burden. They are what keeps me sane.


gina armfield said...

some people just don't get animals - weird - I just don't get it - to me animals make me feel safe and loved and complete - you are a lucky woman to be surrounded by such wonderful spirits indeed.

Grey Horse Matters said...

Glad to hear the documentary is done and you can get back to 'life as usual'. I hope Silk and Siete are feeling better and you all get to relax and enjoy the summer together.

billie said...

I'm glad you're "home" again and are hopefully already enjoying relief from the worry over the horses.

This week we've had a cat with a goopy eye, and I called the vet to check in. They felt I was worrying too soon, so I took their advice and waited. Then I couldn't stand it (about 6 hours post phone call) and I applied a warm wet washcloth to the eye. It was immediately better. I did it again at bedtime and this morning, no goopy eye, back to normal.

This afternoon I took Keil Bay on his first labyrinth walk. He was very happy and excited and it was so nice. Then I went to do some work with Cody (rode him yesterday and he was fine) and he had a patch of bumpy, hive-like things on his right hind thigh, and was sore in that leg. Gak! I fretted. He's moving, no swelling, eating, drinking, etc. I think it might be a sting that has reacted badly. I've given Banamine and he's better but still off. I'm hoping for improvement in the a.m. but this will sit on my shoulder all night long.

It's so easy to get revved up, especially when it's the horses. My daughter reminded me "it's not really time to worry yet, Mom." Sigh. This too shall pass!

Enjoy your sweet girls.

Victoria Cummings said...

Gina - Welcome to the blogosphere - I'm glad you stopped by. Please join in often.
Arlene - Yes, I'm ready for life as usual.
Billie - I love "It's not really time to worry yet, Mom" - I'm going to make that my new mantra.

Callie said...

Oooh....Your neighbor surely does not get it. I feel sorry for people who cannot connect with an animal or two or three or........ That's who needs pity, in my opinion!

Pony Girl said...

I bet you were so happy to get back and see your girls! ;)
It is frustrating when people don't get how animals are such a part of our lives and make us feel. Many people don't have that connection with animals, and I feel kind of sorry for them, for what they are missing.
I am the worst worry-wart horsey mother ever, and I hate it! Anxiety can get the best of me, so I have to make an effort to not worry until there is something to worry about!

Carolynn said...

I'm such a worry wart when it comes to my animals. Poor things are constantly being watched, poked, and prodded to make sure they're healthy.

I can't imagine being without an animal in my life. They are my touchstones keeping me grounded and at peace in an ever changing, chaotic world. Therapists Extraordinnaire.

djbrown said...

The love of our animals is part of what home means!

Gecko said...

I couldn't imagine life without my animals either. I've also had people say, "You have too many dogs, why don't you cut your numbers back a bit" or "You are breeding AGAIN?? Whyyy??" and the one where they try to dodge what they're really thinking, "It must be hard looking after all those dogs". To be honest I don't feel that I'm working harder to keep 7 dogs as to when I had 3. I obviously am, but I love my animals so much it doesn't feel I'm working harder.