Sunday, August 10, 2014

Life Part 2


Life Part 2 begins today.  I’m sitting home alone, my trusty sidekick Stella at my feet, Silk and Siete eating hay in the pasture and Velcro curled up on the ledge of the kitchen window.  This is how it’s going to be for a while until I figure out what to do next.  We loaded up the car yesterday, drove an hour and a half to take our daughter to college, settled her into a cozy dorm room and came home to a very quiet house. Then, very early this morning, I dropped my husband off, and he went to work out of town on a gig for the rest of the week.   I have a plan, with friends and a good support system of neighbors to keep me company, but it still feels really weird.

My daughter and my mother have been the bookends and focus of my life for so many years, and suddenly they are both gone.  I’m at peace with my mom’s death. After all the early tumultuous years, we had a wonderful time in the end of her life full of appreciation and loving, and she died without a moment of pain or suffering. She experienced the joy with me and my husband of guiding her only grandchild into being a delightful, confident young woman. And this daughter of mine is everything and more that we ever hoped she would be.  So, even though I feel a bit hollow right now, I have not one ounce of regret, and I know how lucky I am to be able to say that.

For now, I will turn my attention to teaching the dog to walk calmly on a leash, grooming the horses so they don’t look so shaggy and picking up a paintbrush to see what comes out next.  I feel like for now,  I’m standing in perfect balance at the center of a teeter-totter. I’m going to concentrate on enjoying life in my little safe haven because I know that at any moment, something might come hurtling in to disrupt this delicate equilibrium. I intend to take this twinkling of grace and savor it while I can.



11 comments:

Susan B. said...

Beautiful post and pictures Victoria. We have done our jobs and now it's time for our little birdies to spread their wings and fly solo for a bit!

Victoria Cummings said...

Thanks, Susan. I know they will come back to the nest when they need it. And they will soar on their own.

Oak in the Seed said...

May your "twinkling of grace" become a waterfall of joy....

redhorse said...

That sounds like a good plan.

Grey Horse Matters said...

Lovely post. I'm sure your family will come through this new adjustment period with flying colors. Your daughter begins college and will find out how it is to be an adult in a world different from what she's known. And I'm sure you will find new and interesting things to challenge you each day. The time will fly by as it always does and she will be home for visits soon.

Victoria Cummings said...

Love that, D. Thanks!

Victoria Cummings said...

Thanks, RH and Arlene - I got thru Day One just fine. I think it's all good and I'm very lucky.

billie said...

I know how hard and how joyous it is to launch a child into the world! Next year this time my daughter will head out and I'm not sure what I'm going to do when it's just me and 13 amazing animals here during the days.

This is when I wish that some of my blogging friends lived on the lane. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all have a daily coffee date in the middle of all this adjustment? :)

Sending a hug for you and huge congratulations to your daughter.

Victoria Cummings said...

Billie, don't I wish that we all "lived on the lane" and could hang out together! Thanks, I remember how it was last year when your son left. At least I'm getting a couple of texts from her each day, like a daily report. No homesickness, only excitement and fun.

C-ingspots said...

The circle of life...we just keep moving ahead. I like to remind myself of this with that old saying, "to experience beginnings, we must have endings". This is finally a time for you. Hope you enjoy it!

Victoria Cummings said...

I like that saying! Thanks