Sunday, June 24, 2012

In an Instant


It’s amazing how life can change in an instant. Two weeks ago, on a sweet sunny Sunday morning, I got up and went out to feed the horses. I walked down the path by the tack room, my mind drifting to who knows where. My ankle twisted, and I went down with nothing nearby to grab or break my fall.  I landed on a wooden log next to the flowerbed crashing down on my right arm. The pain was so sharp, and when I looked at my elbow, the shape was totally out of whack. Completely dislocated. 

My husband rushed me to the hospital, where they were wonderfully kind and immediately loaded me with pain medication. The rest of that week is a haze, with visits to the surgeon, very heavy-duty pain killers, and finally, on Friday, surgery to fix my broken bone and dislocated right elbow.  It was as if time stood still for five days while I waited. The surgeon, who is an elbow expert wanted to have the wrist expert with him when they operated so we had to wait until he was available. They say I will have full recovery of the use of my arm.

My husband and daughter have been amazing throughout this ordeal.  Four days after I fell, I was able to wobble down to the barn hanging onto my daughter’s arm.  Everyone was worried by how upset Silk was that I had disappeared. When she saw me, she made a loud “nnnmmm!” noise and ran to me.  My arm was in a huge soft cast at that point, and Silk put her nose right on it and sniffed up and down from my fingers to shoulder and back. She got it, I could tell, and relaxed. Since then, when I am able once a day, I go out with someone to hold onto me and check in with the girls. They are doing fine. I have no idea when I will be able to fill a water bucket or pick a hoof, but I remind myself that the surgeon is positive that I will have full recovery.

Now, I’m sporting a robot like splint that we refer to as my “ex-o-skeleton”.  Doing any simple thing, like opening a bottle or brushing my hair, is a big deal. I hope that my arm heals quickly, and I faithfully do the exercises the doctor has taught me. Being this dependent on other people is really frustrating, but I am so grateful for such good help. And I think it’s better to have broken my elbow than my knee. What this has done is put my whole life in a new perspective. As I drifted off in the dream state that dilaudid, a very strong pain med, induced, I felt the roof peel off above my bed and reveal blue sky with fluffy white clouds floating above me. I realized that for the first time in many years, I was able to feel the space between the minutes open up wide.  I haven’t tried to plan or fill the space since then, and living so completely in the moment, appreciating how good my life is, really helps me now that I no longer am taking any pain medication. I feel very free to just be the way I am for now.

I don’t know how long all this healing will take, but I do know that I am more than okay, I am blessed.

16 comments:

Grey Horse Matters said...

Victoria, I am so sorry to hear about your accident. I'm glad you will have full recovery and use of your arm when you are healed. Silk must have missed you terribly and worried about you. She must be so happy to see you again and know things will get back to normal.

p.s. if there is anything you need help with please give me a call and I'll bring ice cream over with me! Feel better.

Kate said...

Glad you're on the road to healing. The horses will understand - mine did when I had my accident, although Pie was mad at me for abandonning him when he was scared - he's now over that. Glad as well that you're expected to make a full recovery.

the7msn said...

Why am I not surprised that you are finding the good in this? Your positive attitude and spirit will help you heal much faster than those mind-numbing painkillers. Wish I lived nearby so I could pick out hooves and tote water buckets for you. If your doctor should recommend dry air and sunshine as therapy, my guest room is vacant!

Lori Skoog said...

Victoria...aren't we a pair. Yes, it would be great to recuperate with you...in fact, if I can find your phone number I am going to give you a call. Like you, I missed my horses terribly. This morning I went out to do chores before Gary got up so he could catch a little break from all the overtime he has put in. Still need a cane and several more weeks of therapy, so Gar has to do most of the stall cleaning. Can't wait to be free of pain meds. Getting back to normal will be a great gift.

Oak in the Seed said...

I am sorry you you had this painful accident but can't help but notice you are still writing. Kudos to your husband and daughter to help you stay connected to Silk and she to you. We all help heal each other, don't we?

Calm, Forward, Straight said...

Good news that you'll get your arm back. So sorry about your accident.

Having (unfortunately) had several broken bones, it always seemed to me like the big energy released when they break is cleansing is some way...

Hope your recovery goes smoothly!

Victoria Cummings said...

GHM-ice cream - yes- I'll call you.

And Lori-Ill call you too!

Kate - thanks- you army role model!

Carson- Keep that guest room warm for me - I need two hands for a trip to paradise,I mean New Mexico.
THANKS!

Victoria Cummings said...

Kate - typing with my left hand is hard - I meant you are my role model (not army!)

Victoria Cummings said...

Diane -thanks -how is Toby doing?

C - Yes, there is a big weird energy release. Haven't broken a bone since I was 5, and it was my left elbow.

Wolfie said...

Good grief, Victoria! What an ordeal. I am so glad to hear that you are working towards a full recovery. Silk's response to seeing you after the accident was heart-warming. As much as it might drive you a bit crazy not to be able to do it yourself, your horses' hooves will get picked. :-) Take care of yourself. The support of your family and friends will get you through this. And, I would take GHM up on her offer - ice cream always helps!! Sending positive healing thoughts from Canada!

Victoria Cummings said...

Thanks Wolfie - I am very fortunate to have great family and friends.

A friend sent me a note about what the meaning of breaking my elbow and arm is about, energetically speaking, and gave me these affirmations to heal faster:

"The dislocated joint represents changes in direction in life and the ease of these movements. So... To correct the imbalance here's the affirmation: I easily flow with change. My life is Divinely guided and I am always going in the best direction.
Arm: represents the capacity and ability to hold the experiences of life. Affirmation: I lovingly hold and embrace my experiences with ease and with joy."

I've asked my daughter to write them down and put them in my pocket so I can repeat them during the day.

Paint Girl said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your accident!! Hoping you recover really quick!!

billie said...

I was at a sandplay workshop/retreat Sunday and yesterday so am just now getting to respond here - I am so glad to hear that you are in good spirits and recovering, and in such good hands both human-wise and horse-wise!

I know your positive spirit will take you through this in the best possible way. Sending warm thoughts and big hugs!

detroit dog said...

Hi Victoria, I'm glad that you are so positive and healing properly, and I'm so glad your girls have you back.

Also, as one who has had a broken knee cap, I am glad it was your elbow! :-) Best wishes.

Victoria Cummings said...

Thanks PG, Billie and Veronica - I got my stitches out yesterday. Five more weeks in the ex-o-skeleton, no driving the car, but each day, I do feel a little less pain, which is a huge relief!

juliette said...

Victoria - I am so sorry about your accident but sure you will heal fast. With your happy thoughts and help from humans and love from Silk and Siete you will be great in no time!

Thank you for your kind words on my blog - inspiration in these tricky situations!