Thursday, June 9, 2011

Don't Dream Too Small

At 2 am last night, it was as if someone blasted a spotlight over our house and slammed the door on the Universe. The lightning and thunder were so close that it shook me to my core. I leaped out of bed and ran downstairs to unplug the computers. Thank God, I had turned off the fan in the barn. The electrical hook-up out there is so funky that I don’t like to leave anything on while I’m not awake or nearby. It was still almost 90 degrees at nine o’clock last night, so I had kept the doors to the stalls open in front. I saw Siete rush in to be with her mommy, just like my daughter did with me when the next flash and crash struck.
So now, I was wide-eyed and jittery as the storm passed over us, and my child slept peacefully beside me. It gave me a chance to reflect on my life, as I am wont to do when I find myself sitting up in bed in the middle of a thunderstorm. This has been a week of milestones around here. It was our 19th anniversary on Monday, although my husband was out of town working so we haven’t celebrated it yet. Last year, the day after our anniversary was when my mother had her big dementia breakdown and ended up in the hospital. Looking back on how bad and scary it was, I thought that it’s truly a miracle how content and happy she is now. She lives in a nursing home that is so amazing. The people who work there are loving and devoted to enriching the residents’ lives. I never worry about whether she is being well-cared for and safe. And our own home is a much more relaxed and enjoyable place now that we don’t have all that stress and craziness.
In an effort to move on, my husband recently transformed my mother’s sitting room in the back of our house into my office. He set up my desk so I can look out the window at the horses, which gives me great pleasure. As I was moving my files and books, I found a folder in which I had written a list of goals back in 2007. I was sad to see that I had accomplished none of them. At the same time, it was interesting that they were all the same things that I still dream of today. It’s been bugging me, but last night, in between the lightning flashes, I had a realization. For some reason, it usually takes me six years to achieve whatever I am trying to do. I don’t know why that cycle repeats itself in my life, but this week is the beginning of the sixth year that we’ve lived here. So, maybe I am going to accomplish a few of those goals now. I heard a great line from someone yesterday: “Don’t dream too small.”
Meanwhile, with temperatures of almost 100 today, I’m focused on hosing down the horses and keeping them safe. As I’ve told Siete about ten times today already, “Drink water, little one.”


Anonymous said...

I remember how hard it was when you couldn't find the right place for your mother - it must be a huge relief to find such a good place for her where she is happy.

Like your thoughts - and the title of the post!

Mary said...

I think it's time for me to revisit my dreams. Life's been a little stagnant for me. Thanks for the reminder!

Grey Horse Matters said...

I'm so glad to hear that your mom is doing well and is happy in the nursing home.

This weather is unbelievable, but I hear we're in for cooler temps over the weekend. I must be a really good sleeper because I heard none of that thunderstorm.

As for "don't dream too small" I think that's a great idea. I'm like you though, I have so many goals that I want to achieve but have never gotten around to. Unlike you I'm not on a six year cycle I think you could call it more of an ongoing life cycle. Just never seem to have time to get it any of it done.

Wolfie said...

I think dreams and dreaming keeps wrinkles away. :-)

Great to hear that your mom is doing well - a big weight off your shoulders knowing that she is happy.

I used to set out lists of goals for myself, but would find that life would get busy. Now, I set out just a few which are much easier to achieve over the course of a year.

Calm, Forward, Straight said...

Someone wiser than I recently suggested to me that instead of... or in addition to goal lists, one should make a list of accomplishments. While in may be a different list, it's equally as valid. :)

Lori Skoog said...

Congrats on your anniversary. 100!!!!that's too hot for me (although yesterday we were at 92). I too, was very happy to read that your Mom is doing well.

As for what you can do. The important thing is not to feel guilty about's a waste of energy.

detroit dog said...

Hi Victoria,

Cooler weather is coming your way! It was 97 here yesterday, and at 5pm this afternoon it is 62 degrees!

One thing I really love about your posts is the "humanity" that your horses display. We are all just spirits in different forms. :-)

Sounds like everyone is getting more comfortable and stress-free (that is, happy!). Best anniversary wishes to you!

billie said...

Happy anniversary! We had our 17th last weekend and it sort of blows my mind - someone asked if it had gone fast or slowly and I said - timeless.

I think it's significant that you recognize your cycle of making things happen. We can all get too caught up in doing things that provide instant gratification or things that can in fact be completed fairly quickly.

In reality, finding a balance between the quick things and those that take longer to come to fruition is the best way to go, imo. Which is why you will often find me writing books interspersed with dozens of little breaks to go do something finite - cleaning the sink, washing the baseboards in one room, etc.

Love the image (though not the weather that initiated it) of daughters running to the comfort of mothers in your domain. :)

Oak in the Seed said...

I have a hard time switching from having dreams to making those dreams become reality. But there is something about the ever present "present" that is a teachable moment.

Glad your mom is in such a trustworthy place so you have no worries. How great of your hubby of 19 years created a new nest for you in your own home! Maybe have the anniversary celebration in there!

Stay cool!

Chris said...

Definitely don't dream too small! It may take small steps to get there, but the big dreams or goals are incredible and the journey to them - or to realising other dreams that become important - is one worth travelling :)

Breathe said...

How fortunate that you found a place hat is working out for your mother. I imagine it was a terrible worry.

This post was a wonderful gift to me today. Thank you! To a great 6th year!

Merri said...

goals are good, but goals with timelines are highly overrated.
: )
and I LOVE that suggestion to make a list of accomplishments. I'm starting one right now!
- The Equestrian Vagabond

bethkay said...

That is really interesting about noticing the six year cycle on goals. I've never thought about it that way, but I have a hunch you're on to something!